Chuck Norris

[Boss]

Sej se vsi spomnete Chucka Norrisa…..rde?a brada…..Teksa?ki ranger, Delta force 1,2,3,4,5,…..25,26,…legendarni roundhous kick oz. pri nas znan kot "kro?ni z nogo" najmanj 5x v vsakem filmu, itd.

 

 

No, tukejle je pa nekaj legendarnih resnic o Chucku Norrisu:

 

 

 

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

 

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist

 

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

 

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

 

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

 

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

 

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

 

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

 

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

 

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

 

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

 

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

 

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

[Symon]

Od kje jim take ideje???

Najbolj?a je una z nezemljani!

A ni bil frend od Bruce Leeja? Pol je ?e kul in morda res nekaj obvlada.

HAJA-ASA! Da bi obvladal take kro?ne...

[LabiGT]

chuck norris je popusil big time proti bruce lee-ju v "way of the dragon"....je pa res, da je mel takrat chuck ful dlakav hrbet

[David]

je mel takrat chuck ful dlakav hrbet

 

 

Labi allways pozoren na details......

[Boss]

tole okol Chucka je pravi kult

 

 

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

 

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

 

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

 

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

 

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

 

Chuck Norris has the light on when he sleeps, but not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck!

 

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

 

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

 

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

 

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

 

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't apologize. He just stares at them till they realize it was indeed their own [cenzura] fault for whatever happened and they apologize.

 

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

 

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

 

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death

 

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

 

There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.

 

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

 

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

 

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

 

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris CAN touch MC Hammer.

 

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one

[LabiGT]

evo se moji....sem sel pogledat mal na stare maile ...chuck je legenda....edino Steven Seagal mu lahko konkurira

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but

 

because he has run out of women.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the

information he wants.

 

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds

till."

After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the

face.

 

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

 

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related

deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

 

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

 

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another

fist.

 

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a

pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more

pirates to him.

 

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high

school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the

referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck

roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then

proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

 

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck

said,

"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back

five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw

it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry

sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a

roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

 

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is

actually

a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that

day.

 

If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn,

sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the

entire state down.

 

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

 

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke

the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while

she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

 

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

 

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead

decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter

he

grew a beard.

 

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from

cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also

requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat

on

his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

 

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK

assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his

beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

 

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and

unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was

finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his

soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and

admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every

second

Wednesday of the month.

 

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck

Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

 

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned

beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

 

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and

saying "booya".

 

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

 

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,

"Bang!"

 

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

 

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on

Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His

reasoning? It was more "humane".

 

Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he

roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

 

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are

trademarked names for his left and right legs.

 

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck

Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

 

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If

you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my

virginity." then you are dead wrong.

 

Chuck Norris uses a live rattle snake for a condom.

 

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before

they attack.

 

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck

could

chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU

RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat.

Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't

f--k with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony

of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile

radius of the blast went deaf.

 

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was

removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a

roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's

no glitch."

 

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive &&$%ion. There

were no survivors.

 

Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

 

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris

allows to live.

 

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and

instead requests a handgun and a bucket.

 

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could

use

to kill you, including the room itself.

 

Chuck Norris has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time.

He

found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being

able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and

screamed, "This is BULL$!@%!" They're all wearing shoes." He then

proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO

ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it

from. The child began to cry and Chuck ate him for good measure. The

incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

 

Chuck Norris once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his

Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his

"Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

 

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

 

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of

tennis.

 

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

 

When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The

water gets Chuck Norris instead.

 

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

 

If you were to lock Chuck Norris in a room with a guitar, a year later

you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's.

When asked why he doesn't do this Chuck Norris replied "Because

Grammy's

are for queers." then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his

response.

 

Chuck Norris was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her

carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local

children's hospital.

 

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

 

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck

Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the

third

girl he had slept with.

 

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make

him destroy an orphanage.

 

Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with

lactose's $!@%.

 

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be

thrown into the sun.

 

You are what you eat. That is why Chuck Norris's diet consists entirely

of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

 

In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records

it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those

listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to

matching him.

 

When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

 

Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North - they point in the

direction of Chuck Norris. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and

shout, "Jackets are for pussies!" at the Acrtic researchers.

 

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

 

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's

pushing the Earth down.

 

Not only was Chuck Norris the first to shoot a baby out of a cannon, he

was the first to eat a high velocity baby shot out of a cannon.

[Marko_mx-3]

same resnice

 

[Symon]

Vse mi je uspelo prebrat!

Ej zdaj mi pa res ni ve? jasno zakaj je tako legendaren? Saj Steven Segal je ?e "ve?ji frajer".

Pa Stalone. Pa Arnoldov ?varci.... Pa ali obstaja film kjer Travolta NE ple?e?

[LabiGT]

Chuck odgovarja:

Conan O'Brien's Chuck Norris jokes on Late Night with Conan O'Brien

ultimately led to Chuck Norris becoming the focus of an ever-growing

trend

in which people invent satirical random "Chuck Norris Facts." The

"facts"

tend to involve absurdly exaggerated claims of Norris' toughness,

attitude,

virility, and masculinity. (Ex: According to the Laws of Physics, it is

impossible for Chuck Norris to build more muscle. Upon realizing this,

Chuck

Norris swiftly roundhouse kicked every Law of Physics known to man, as

well

as those known only by Chuck Norris. He now has the ability to will His

muscles to any level of strength He desires at any given time.)

 

The Chuck Norris Random Fact Generator was originally created by a man

who

goes by the moniker Toad King, a member of the message board and link

exchange website "LUElinks." A number of the original facts were also

originally from the the SomethingAwful forums, in July 2005.

 

Chuck's Response

Chuck Norris responded to the "Chuck Norris Facts" on his official

website,

chucknorris.com with the following statement:

 

"I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently

begun to

appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen

some

of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student

of

the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure

what

to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys,

and

I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows,

maybe

these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real

facts

as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They

may

even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West,

"The

Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary

efforts."

[David]

Kladen ko ?pricer ta na? ?ak noris.....

 

Sam da obnovim temo.... spet sem padu s stola od smeha....

[LabiGT]

juhu spet bojo vrtel texas rangerja

da ne omenjam, da je dalec najboljsi pevec (on poje komad z nadaljevanke)

[madmax]

chuck's back!

 

pa ?e ena old school

 

[suicidal]

you can't be serious